Pattaya lives & young Thai wives

Now that the after-glow of my recent success has finally faded away, (as it was certain to do), I have returned to my usual past-time of alternating diving days (which are busy and physically strenuous days of slipping and sliding around boats and fiddling with equipment) with 'leisure' days (which are *supposed* to be for study and relaxation, possibly combined with an attempt to embrace some of the local culture, finished off with several laps of the pool and a healthy dinner.)

Ha.

The people in this town think culture is a band from the 80's, and that if they're wearing the t-shirt (cheap rip off guaranteed to shrink to barbie size on the first wash) then that must result in entry to the club? Sorry but no cigar. Not even a cigarette. And while I am on the subject, smoking a marlboro that has a white filter instead of your common garden variety brown tip does not make you look cooler, more elegant or more cultured; the fact remains that you will still smell bad and die.

Oh, see, I have done it again. I digress from my topic almost as much as J. R. Tolkien does in his fat arsenal of shelf tremblingly weighty epics.

Going back to the subject in hand...

If I was to embrace some of the local residents here in Pattaya too closely, I may catch something. That’s a fact. Quite possibly even the door-to-door pizza delivery man wears protective gloves against the miscreants who may open their door to him, offering a crumpled Baht note from a sweaty palm while young Thai girls cavort within, enthusiastically awaiting his return so they can fulfil all his sick fantasies while professing undying love and stealing his wallet, which is almost as fat as him.

There’s a t-shirt sold locally here:

Good guys go to heaven,
Bad guys go to Pattaya.

(They wish)
The only guys I have seen wearing this are bald and beer-bloated. They buzz around triumphantly on 50cc scooters proudly sporting their latest fashion statement, a Thai girlfriend, and they invariably accessorise their look with those high waisted golf shorts (is there anything sexier?), a classic pair of M&S sports socks, and Jesus sandals, courtesy of The Next Catalogue Spring Summer 06.
These guys are bad alright. Bad to the core. So bad that at age 40 they still live in England with their mom, who irons their jeans and gets them up in the morning for their 9-5 desk job. They are so bad that they eat at least 4, no, even 5 donuts every morning, and break all company regulations every lunchtime by looking at hardcore photo-shopped online photos of Angelina Jolie. After work, they drink pints and make pornographic suggestions about the gorgeous copy girl, who is utterly oblivious to their existence. Later, they continue their wild spree with a few hours of online gaming, during which they battle warlocks, ride around on horseback flexing their cyber muscles and talk dirty to a young elf, until mom interrupts their fantasy with a reminder that they have to be up in the morning for work, and isn’t it time for bed now?

I apologise for being a little harsh :) There are, of course all kinds of men here from all walks of life...I am simply picking on the most amusing group for the benefit of my blog!

Pattaya is a place where dreams are made - specifically male fantasies! I'll be pleased to leave here, but I am also glad to say that I saw this and lived here, and of course it has provided me with endless amusing anecdotes that will entertain friends for years to come, and no doubt inspire my writing in a way that living in Birmingham never could!

That's Pattaya.
Next blog will be all about diving here!

A belated post for my long lost 2nd cousin!

During my excursion to Malaysia I mentioned briefly that I met up with my second cousin, Mark, whom I have never met before, and none of my close family has ever had the opportunity either. So, I went forth to the heart of Johor Bahru as an ambassador for my side of the clan and made the connection! He's happily married in Kuala Lumpar with a couple of young children, only a sprinkling of years older than me, and great fun to hang out with! We had a real giggle (I was doing most of the giggling, he was a chuckler) and I promised that I would post up our photos so everyone could share our meeting! So here we are, in JH, in July!